No Name 81 alleycat – January 6th, 2013 6:30 PM
Whereas; for the last 80* iterations, the No Name alleycat racing series has been a good time for most, and $5 entry for all**; and
Whereas, the aforementioned entry fee is, by tradition, “winner takes all”, but mostly later returned to all competitors, transubstantiated into liquid form (the first round of drinks); and
Whereas, there may be additional prizes, not the least of which being a festooned tiara; and
Whereas, cycling in winter need not be constrained to commuting to work. Or going to the bar. Or “grocery shopping”. Or Stupor Bowl. Or… ; and
Whereas, knowledge of obscure locations and optimally routing between them can allow one to best numerically faster competitors; and
Whereas, few activities are planned for the evening of Sunday, January 6th, other than perhaps watch the third season premiere of Downton Abbey***; and
Whereas, the drill is well known. Riders may want to bring $5, a helmet, lights, a map, and a pen. Riders under 21 are encouraged to attend, but those seeking a drink will need an ID/be 21+;
Now, therefore, I, ALEX ANDERSON, winner of No Name 80, do hereby proclaim that No Name 81 shall indeed occur this Sunday, January 6th at 6:30 PM. Manifests at 6:45. Start at 7:00.
* Non-metric calendar
** Save some recent discounts to encourage inclusiveness, and possibly other examples of which this author might not be aware.
*** The premiere will be rebroadcast the following morning at 2 AM and on Wednesday evening.
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