*all advice/answers are subject to occasional wrongness and if you wish to use or publish any of it, you will be required my personal permission to do so.


If you are friends with someone who has a dog and is going to school for nursing, massage, bodywork, and acupuncture; offer to dog-sit any chance you get. Get paid in massages.

If you have chronic pain issues, read this book. IT WORKS. No bologna.

Use parsnips in lieu of carrots in dishes that call for carrots.

Bake pies until you are good at it.

Instead of pushing down on a dog's butt to get them to sit, lead a treat from the tip of their nose over the top of their heads so they have to look up and back at it. It will force their butts down easier (kind of like a teeter totter.)

When you see someone trip over their own feet in the skyway, make a funny joke and make them laugh about it instead of acting like you didn't see it.

Revenge should always be handled with style and grace. Otherwise, you just look like a mean bitch.



Anything else?

What's the best steakhouse in Minneapolis?

Cook steak at home. Use the broiler. Get sexy results.

ETA:
ALSO, using a fork to turn steaks is a big no no. NEVER PIERCE YOUR MEAT WHILE IT'S COOKING.

not the one that gives you PA's for like 48 hrs...

Do you have a question, VIK?


Also, when dancing on a crowded dance floor, ascertain proper clearance before trying out that wild-arm thing you learned on your Kinect.

ETA: On the topic of dancing, Skanking is still appropriate as a "dance move" IF and only if you are over the age of 30, but it's never appropriate to skank to the Clash.

Dear JenNastix,

I have two very different questions.

1. Do you have a recipe for caramels or fudge that is delicious and not nutritious? I would like to use as much butter as possible. No corn syrup, please.

2. Best vegan appetizer/ desert recipe or cookbook?

Thank you,
Hungry In Minneapolis

First thing everyone should know: GOOD fudge is tedious to make.

Ok, I've made this a few times, and this fudge is bangin'.
It's just a simple chocolate fudge.

all ingredients are approximate

6 T unsalted butter
um, about 12 ounces of unsweetened chocolate, roughly chopped
4 1/2 c sugar
1 1/2 c brown sugar
1 t salt
a good dollop of chocolate syrup (probably about 3 T)
2 1/4 c WHOLE milk
Spill pour 1 T of vanilla extract


Ok, this is going to sound crazy, but believe me when I tell you DON’T CUT CORNERS. Fill large saucepan 3/4 full with water and heat until bubbles begin to form. Put your candy thermometer, pastry brush, and wooden spoon in water to keep utensils clean and reduce heat to low to keep water warm. Fill cup or bowl large enough to hold wooden spoon with ice and cold water. Cut about an 18-inch length foil and fold lengthwise to 8-inch width. Fit foil into length of 13 by 9-inch baking dish, pushing it into corners and up sides of pan; allowing excess to overhang pan edges. Cut 14-inch length foil and fit into width of baking pan in same manner, perpendicular to first sheet. Does that make sense? Anyways, fill sink about an inch deep with room-temperature water. Place butter and 6 ounces chocolate in freezer.

Heat sugars, salt, chocolate syrup, milk, and remaining unfrozen 6 ounces chocolate in large Dutch oven over medium heat, stirring constantly with clean wooden spoon, until chocolate melts, probably about 6 to 12 minutes. Clean wooden spoon with hot running water to remove all sugar crystals; place spoon, handle down, in container filled with ice water. Using pastry brush from hot water bath, wash down small segment of side of pot to remove any sugar crystals. Continue to wash sides of pot, dipping brush back into hot water before wiping down another part of pot, until no sugar crystals remain. Attach candy thermometer to side of pot and continue to cook until syrup boils.

Boil sugar syrup until it reaches 236 degrees, about 30 minutes, then begin testing for doneness. Remove wooden spoon from the ice water and dip handle into sugar syrup, twisting it around and kind of … like sweeping it through the mixture 2 to 3 times to coat end of handle with syrup. Place spoon handle in ice water, twisting handle so syrup does not slide off, until syrup is cool enough to handle, just about 5 to 10 seconds. Gather cooled syrup with your fingers and try to roll into ball. If syrup forms soft ball that will flatten when lightly pressed between 2 fingers, remove syrup from heat, about 238 degrees. (If heat of your fingers heats sugar too quickly, dip them, with syrup, back into water and try to form ball.) If syrup fails to form soft ball, continue to cook, checking every increase of 2 degrees (between 238 and 242 degrees) until soft ball is formed, 30 to 40 minutes total cooking time.

Remove pot from heat and immediately place in sink filled half full with water. Sprinkle frozen butter, chocolate, and vanilla over top of fudge. Cool pot in sink for 5 minutes. Transfer pot to counter and let cool, without stirring, until fudge reaches 110 to 120 degrees, about 25 to 35 minutes.

Using wooden spoon, stir to fully recombine ingredients. Once recombined, stir mixture 1 or 2 times around perimeter of pot, then lift spoonful of mixture about 1 foot above pot and let it drip back into pot. You with me? Repeat stirring and lifting process 4 to 6 times, then let mixture rest 1 minute. Repeat process of stirring, lifting, and resting until mixture begins to lose its shine and becomes difficult to stir, about 8 to 12 minutes total.

Quickly transfer fudge to prepared pan and spread in even layer. I like to just lay a piece of wax paper on the top and press with my hands. Cool fudge at room temperature until firm, about 4 hours.


My sage advice: Avoid stirring the fudge while it's cooking.



I have never made caramels.

I would never "veganize" something that was meant to be made with butter, eggs, meat, fat, honey, milk, etc. But, I like cooking with vegetables, and I probably make a lot of things what would be considered vegan. But, as far as vegan cookbooks go... uh...

ETA: I was excited to come back with a post of this amazing lentil loaf I make, but it's not vegan... eggs and cheese. But, if you want that, I'd be happy to oblige. I can handle vegetarians better.

Stop serving hummos at parties. It creates intimacy issues later.

Any good tips for handling seasonal depression? I am having a really hard time with it this year, I know about the whole vitamin d and sunlight thing and have one of those lights at my desk, but I have just been blah lately both at home and at work.

I like "Garlicky Homos" packaging

I need to overhaul, lube and upgrade my life's drivetrain so-to-speak. Any suggestions?

And it's not my place to answer but to fafnir; what's kind of helped for me is to do my best to enjoy the daylight as much as possible.

To the faf:


LOTS OF:
REGULAR Sleep (8 hours)
Sex
Water
Exercise
Healthy, Vitamin-rich foods


STOP:
Alcohol
Over-eating
Over-sleeping


CONSIDER:
Counseling. Yes, there are services even if you don't have insurance and are on a super budget.



And read the book I posted up there. Totes applicable.

to the Jap:

Lube is fantastic.


Also, a diet rich in good fiber, a regular dosing of Theralac probiotics, drinking about two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar in a glass of water first thing in the morning, and drinking warm water as opposed to iced will kick your "drive train" into action.

If you are easily distracted and have to get rid of your gum, just toss it. Because, if you stretch it across your stomach in a clever attempt to both conceal AND save it for later; you will forget it's there (on account you're easily distracted), and by the end of the day it will have progressed into a big, purple, tar-like smear across your belly that will stick to your shirt and be a son of a bitch to get off of your skin. >: (

Lentil loaf= recipe please!

I'll let you know how the fudge works out. =]

ok... hermmmm, that one's not on my hard-drive at work. And, there are a few steps to it I don't want to leave out. I'll have to go home, grab the recipe, and post later.